Life really is a crazy ride that’ll throw you off if you don’t hold on tight. I’m just in a reflective mood tonight. My sister convinced me to be a subject for her photos tonight. It was a beautiful night out at the park. But as I was looking at the pictures, it got me thinking of what God sees when he looks at me. So often I look at myself in a picture and think, “Oh my…I need to lose weight, my hair doesn’t look good at all, I’m as pale as a ghost, I don’t look good at all (despite how long I stand in front of the mirror trying to “fix” me). But then the thought occurred to me that even before I wake up in the morning, Jesus is looking down at me, and thinking, “Man, she is beautiful. I died for her, I love her so much.” What??? Something doesn’t add up. Why is it that us as humans get so caught up in our outward appearance? Jesus sees straight through the outward mess and inside of us. Granted, He thinks I’m breathtaking inside and out, but still. I find myself thinking a lot about the verses in the new testament where Paul talks about our flesh doing the things we don’t really want to do and not doing the things we really want to do. Being a Christian in an imperfect world is certainly a challenge. I mean, being human is hard enough. But then again, as humans, many Christians (and I’m certainly guilty of this) make things so much more complicated than they need to be or were intended to be. A pastor I heard preach while I was at Mercy one time said, “Love God, then do what you want.” In a sense, I get where he is going….If we truly loved God they way He deserves with perfect obedience, we could do whatever we want without fear of sinning. Until we reach Heaven, I’m not sure that’s possible here on earth. But the holy spirit is on the inside of us for just that purpose. Sometimes I like to think the holy spirit is to help us hold tight so the crazy ups and downs of life won’t throw us off (and to help us up if they do.)
Here I sit at work on a beautiful saturday morning. Will is eating lunch and I’m trying my best to let him maintain as much of his independence as possible. I’ve always been a big advocate of allowing people to maintain as much of their independence as possible. In fact, I have that so much ingrained in my mind that I think at times its a curse. I have been on the flip side of not wanting to need people and seen so many times how if you need people, they will either eventually leave or hurt you deeply or maybe once in a great great while, you will come across someone who will be the person God made them to be in your life and you can’t imagine your life without them. God has beeen teaching me this lesson quite heavily lately…that we were’n’t mean to live life alone. The Bible says we are to bear eachother’s burdens. (Question: How are we to share each other’s burdens if we dont share our burdens with others?…We can’t.) It’s a terribly humbling experience to come to the end of yourself and admit you are human and ask for help. God already knows you are human. Nothing we tell Him can shock Him. He is all-knowing. Yet for some reason, it seems to be easier to tell someone who will be shocked, potentially reject and hurt us, exactly how we feel and what we are going through than to tell the one and only being who will NEVER NEVER leave us, reject us, comfort us…what we are feeling (knowing He has felt everything we do). Why is this? Because Satan (the great deciever) has done a fantastic job at causing us to believe God will reject us and never want anything to do with us again. It’s critical for us as God’s children to remember and somehow train our minds to remember that this is 100% opposite of what God’s word tells us. It’s mind boggling to me. I don’t fully understand why God works the way He does, why He loves me like He does, but though His ways are sometimes strange, what could be stranger than God in a manger? I love you all. He loves you all. You are loved.
So….I am trying this blogging thing…again. It’s a good idea I think, truly. I kind of see it as modern day journaling. Like just about everything else in the world journaling has evolved into blogging. There is always constant updating and fixing of stuff that worked just fine in the first place, but as a coach I would have to agree that there is always room for improvement…on anything…on anyone. Short of death, when does there stop being room for improvement? And to whose judgement are you improving/trying to improve something? Is it yours? Another persons? I think that if the answer is yes to either of the two, there is a certain level of dissappointment that is unavoidable. We all have this condition….it’s called being human. Being human means that 1) As long as we’re on earth we are never going to be perfect (Because we are never going to be perfect, we are never going to be pleased 100% of the time to 100% of the earthly population 2)We were not meant to do life alone 3) We are to some extent emotional beings 4)The list goes on and on and on. My point in all of this? If we are striving constantly to achieve our own or someone else’s idea of perfection, we will always fall short. Paul tells us that….we all fall short of the glory of God. No exceptions. There is no way that our own measley human selves could (on our own) be acceptable to God….and because God is God He can say what is and isn’t acceptable. Therefore, to God, sin is unacceptable…..He can’t even be in the presence of it….translated without accepting the sacrifice of His only Son, He would we wouldn’t be able to be in the presence of the creator of the universe…….BUT……Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a (lost, pathetic, unworthy) soul such as me…I once was lost in my own idea of happiness, but now I am found in the sweet amazing love of a perfect God. God’s mercy has abounded in my life…without it I would no doubt be dead….so I….Live for Mercy.